It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
