i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
