I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
