I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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