Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
