I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
