God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Randomize
