so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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