my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
