she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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