im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
