When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
