now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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