Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
there is puke in my bra ... again
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
