I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
