It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she smelled like a LAN party
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
