the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You can't special order awesome
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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