That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
