he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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