Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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