I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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