Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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