How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
