I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
