we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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