I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
