SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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