do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I currently don't understand fingers.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
