i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
