I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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