This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
