I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
