Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
