I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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