She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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