brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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