I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
