Come see our sink grown plant.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
