so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
