If i come over, it means nothing
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
