Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
