I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
