This is not my ceiling
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
