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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
