I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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