i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
