dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
