look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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