A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
bring money and cleavage
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
