I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
