meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
